Guess that makes me cherry.


Resident: Are you sexually active?

Patient: yes.

Resident: with one partner or multiple?

Patient: oh no, me and my wife are mahogany.


“ Ay, y’all do DNA tests up here? ”


Father of the baby, less than 10 minutes after delivery. 

“ Last time my neck hurt like this, you told me it was tortellini. ”

—    I’m pretty sure I diagnosed you with torticollis, little old guy with poor hearing and a stiff neck muscle… but I wouldn’t put it pasta me.

“ Thomas Edison’s last words were ‘It’s very beautiful over there’. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful. ”

—    John GreenLooking for Alaska

(via beneathskylines)